Of hellos and goodbyes.

I am never good at making small talks. nope. Strike that. I suck at small talks. That is why I hate social events. They make me go sweaty, uncomfortable and nervous.  I love my friends, I do. But when they are so many of them in one room, I got tongue-tied.

We had a batch reunion last Saturday and yours truly was one of the organising committee. Hands-down, the best organizing committee I’ve worked with. Why? We managed to get things done perfectly all through Whatsapp. We didn’t get to see each other face to face but things got done and the event ran smoothly.

So, back to the my problem of being a social awkward – It was nice seeing people after 5 years. There’s a handful of them that I see almost every two months but the rest, seeing their smiling faces brings back all those sweet memories of younger days. *slurps latte*

2 hours passed by quickly. It was not enough when you have 5 years of catching up to do. Then, came the part which I hate the most. Saying goodbyes. Damn, I really suck at saying goodbyes. That’s why I didn’t really like sending people off at the airport or giving a farewell speech. To me, that would mean that we really won’t be seeing each other anymore. So, I usually give people hugs and yeah-okay-I’ll-see-you-tomorrow attitude.

When I got back home and started to continue living my normal life, then, it would strike me. No, Nisa you wouldn’t see them tomorrow. Then, my heart sank.

Errr, guys. I think we need another reunion.

 

The Dream Tree

Dreams keep me going.
Life can be so hard at times but when I think of my dream whether it’s realistic or how ridiculous it is, it put back the smile on my face.

When you have dreams, you have a future. You’ll work hard to achieve it. Though sometimes it is impossible, you’ll get close to it anyhow. I’ve heard this saying that goes “shoot for the moon, even if you miss it, you’ll be among the stars”.

That’s what I want my students to have. A dream. Or many dreams. Not just getting A’s in your SPM, but something more ecstatic. Dreams that make your heart flutters and will make you happy just by thinking about it.

So, with a large blank wall I start my mission.

With the help of my ex-students, We painted a dream tree (a concept inspired from my Google search but with a little tweaking).

Then, the dream happened. I cut circles from colourful cardboards and ask each one of my students to write their dreams on it. I asked them to go beyond their usual dream and then they need to paste the dream circles on the wall.

A few of their dreams are too general and kind of expected.

I was expecting them to write more ridiculous and happier dreams like watching the Eiffel Tower on sunset or even being a backup dancer for Kpop singers. I know they dream about these too but they are afraid to let themselves loose a little.

I wrote my dream as well but when I saw the students’ dream I thought mine was so ridiculous and I wrote a new one.

Such a cliche dream i knoowwwww -____-”

Maybe they are still afraid to go outside to box and imagine all the impossibilities. But we’ll get there. There are still more room on the wall.

P/s : the first dream that I wrote before is to dance to a Bollywood song with Shah Rukh Khan. Heh.

Check and re-check.

I just cooked fish curry and simmered some mussels with crushed lemongrass and turmeric leaves, cleaned the mess I’ve created, swept the kitchen floor and set the dishes on the table. It is now time for lunch. I just have to wait for my mum. I entered the room, plunged myself on the unmade bed, streamed the Running Man series… Tick tock… Tick tooccckk.

And suddenly, I remembered. I have not switch off the stove!

Yes I did.

No I did not.

Yes I did, if not I would have noticed it when I was wiping the kitchen counter near the stove.

Rasenyelah.

You know I always have this waswas feeling whenever I finished cooking and out of the kitchen, I always have this feeling that I have not switch off the stove. Eventhough I have made sure of it before.

Other people have it too i think. That there’s a need to check and re-check everything. I am suffering it too but only to stove-related stuff. I have this friend who clicks her car alarm many times making sure it’s locked. Some people check and re-check everything, whether the doors are locked, the windows are closed, or wether all the switches are turned off.

But I only check the stove.

I don’t know why?. even I know that I already check, and I’m pretty sure that the stove is off, I have to check it again.

It’s mentally tiring you know, because you’re in the midst of doing something else but your mind kept thinking of the stove.

Like right now, I can’t enjoy watching Running Man as I kept thinking of the stove.

But to think of it, if the stove is still on, the food sure be hangit by now kan, and the kitchen should already be on fire kaaaaan???

Cannot la.

I have to go and check.

Oopsie daisies!

I like this kind of Saturday. Woken up by Mongkee (my cat) who was meowing loudly outside the door wanting to get inside, went for Soto Nasi Impit breakfast with my mum and head towards the nursery.

There are so many beautiful flowers there. Hati jadi tenang tengok pokok pokok.

Look at these beautiful daisies

Prettyyyy. And i bought myself these luscious red daisies

It was only RM9 per pot, this nursery (Abon Nursery, opposite of Aeon Seri Manjung) is cheaper than the one on the way to Lekir.

And whenni got back home, look! The hibiscus I planted last week has bloomed! With all the layers of petals! Cantiknyeeeeee..

Will buy more flower plants soon, but this evening i’m thinking of planting some lady fingers and eggplant.

Toodles.

Something to remember

There is this Indian barber shop that my father used to go get his haircut or a shave. As his little girl I used to follow him there. The typical smell of the shaving cream and the rusty chair where my dad sat comfortably and gradually doze off while the barber with his swift knife skills shave my dad’s beard is still fresh in my mind. In the corner of the small shop, I will sat awkwardly praying hard that my dad would get up soon as the uncle is smiling creepily at me (he was just teasing me i think).

I park my car in front of the barber shop every Friday since last year as I’m teaching at a tution centre a few shoplots away. I have never taken a glance or look at that shop as I worry that it’ll remind me of him. It will remind me of him too much.

Today, after the class I was walking hurriedly to the car and I suddenly looked into the shop and saw the same uncle who used the smile creepily at me was shaving another old man’s beard. It was the same sight as I remembered from years ago. What I worried had happened. It reminded me of my dad. It reminded me of my dad too much. I stopped and looked for quite a while and snapped when I heard my students bid goodbye to me.

And that made me miss him a lot. Like a lot lot lot.

Sigh.

Thank you.

3 days ago.

I woke up earlier than usual though I was still sleepy due to the tossing and turning on the bed all night. I woke up with sweaty palms, a dry throat and a mixture of feelings. I wish I could go back to sleep, dwell with my dreams under the warm duvet in the dark room, but it is my responsibility, my amanahs, wouldn’t I want to see the fruits of my labour?

I made my usual cup of coffee but it was left untouched. I glanced at the round clock on the wall. it’s only 9 o’clock. 2 more hours to go. I was fidgety. I did things that I don’t usually do. I watered the plants. I think my mum’s bougainvellas were shocked to be showered early in the morning.

I can’t take it anymore. I put on my favourite skirt and cardigan, put on my crumpled shawl hurriedly and reached for my car keys. The 45 minutes journey to school was daunting. I flipped through channels on the radio then finally decided on Ustaz Azhar Idrus’ CD. I wasn’t even listening. But I need sound to fill the silence of the car. I kept accelerating, overtaking cars which I could then when I realized what I was doing I drove slower, passing each scenery that I have left for over a month.

When the PMR results were in, everyone was happy. 7 students scored straight A’s. The principal was smiling from ear to ear. The best PMR results that our school had achieved since 2004. Teachers hugged each other congratulating fellow colleagues on the hard work that paid off. Still, my heart does not feel right.

The students were called in to take their result. Those who received straight A’s screamed with joy. I congratulated them but my voice was drowned by the noises around us. They laughed! They smiled! They took their slips and quickly went out of the room.

One of the students whom the school targeted 8A’s sobbed. She only managed to get 7A’s. She took the slip, read through and went to the corner and cried.

Then came a student, she took her slip from me and smiled. Hugged me and kissed me on my cheek, reaching for my hands and kissed them many times.

“Alhamdulillah. Thank you teacher, I got 2A’s. Thank you for everything teacher.”

and then my heart cried.

Stationerieholic.

I went out today making a mental note that I need to buy only 2 red pens for my marking task come tomorrow. But as I step myself into Popular Bookstore, i was lost in the lala land. I love bookstores! I would go crayzeh at the stationeries section! I feel like a kid at a candy store! Colourful pens, markers, rulers, cute erasersss. Yummeehhhh.
When I was a kid, if i ever got lost at shopping malls, my parents would always know where to find me, I’ll be at the stationeries department flipping through greeting cards. Hihi

I myself am a walking stationeries shop. I have 3 sets of them. One for the house, one at my workstation, one in a big pencilbox and gazillions of my pens are scattered everywhere!. I can never get enough pens and pencils and notebooks! I don’t mind getting them for wedding hantaran. Seriously.

There’s this euphoric feeling of unzipping your pencil box and seeing all those colourful pens and paper clips. It gives me some kind of happiness that I would never know how to explain.

This is my utmost valuable possession right now :

I would cry if I lost them. I left them one day at PPD after a course and I was unable to sleep that night. Luckily it was still there when I came the next day. Feeling mcm hilang kucing wehhh.

So, back to my mission in getting 2 red pens? Did I succeed?

You think?

Easy Tiramisu Recipe

Too many people has been asking me how i whip up my tiramisu. I would gladly share the recipe with you and if there are more people asking me for the recipe, i’m making my life and theirs easier by just giving them this entry link.

This is actually my version of tiramisu. The actual recipe requires mascapone cheese but for this time i used regular cream cheese.

Here goes the ingredients :

1. Lady fingers (you can find them at bakery or kedai buat kek)

2. Your favourite coffee. Mine is indonesian blend with dash of milk.

3. Whipping cream

4. Castor sugar

5. Cream cheese.

First, dip the lady fingers into the coffee and arrange them in the dish.

Second, whip the cream cheese, whipping cream and the sugar together. Okay, i did not mention how much you should put because this is where your own preference comes in. I like the taste of cream cheese so I only add a cup of whipping cream to 400gm cream cheese and only 4 tablespoons of castor sugar. Add the whipping cream and sugar gradually and taste them a few times until you get to the flavour that you want.

Spread them on the lady fingers, like this :

Then, add another layer of lady fingers on top, like this :

And spread another layer of the cream cheese mixture.

Spread them so that the lady fingers are fully covered.

On top of the tiramisu is for your own creativity. I usually arrange some strawberries and sprinkle a handful of pistachios.

Chilk them in the refrigerator for 3-4 hours.

Good luck!

Spoilt Learners.

“You have to be responsible for your own learning.”

That is what I always tell my students and that is what I always hold on to.  I don’t believe in spoon-feeding the kids.  The more you give, the more they will want from you. It’s the give-the-man-a-fish logic.  I encouraged my students to explore by themselves.  The world is just a few mouse-clicking away. After all they’re on facebook 24/7  for sure they are able to dig up something right?  Wrong.

The kids have always been comfortable spoon-feeded, they expect everything to fall from the sky, right in front of them.  How hard is it to use the google search engines?? I myself google everything, from recipes to how-to-win-in-arm-wrestling (trust me, i now win arm wrestling easily)

It is really hard to abstain myself from giving everything to the students. I want to, but the lesson will not be meaningful.  Learning will happen in the process of finding the knowledge.  But, to get them to understand this concept is hard.  They’ve accustomed to the idea that learning will only happen if people throw information at you. Who is to blame?

What is even harder is if you are the only teacher who is not spoon-feeding the students. Hah! Students will label you as a lazy teacher. “alah, dengan cikgu ni semue bende kene cari sendiri. die bukan nak bagi ape pun” . THAT IS THE POINT LAH MY DEAAARRRRR 

(gosh i really sound like a teacher kan? haha)

I know teachers who spoon-feed the kids too much, to the extent giving them the exam questions before-hand. We worked so hard to achieve the target, the KPIs, then we cheat our way to achieve it. Won’t the results also be lies? not true? does not resemble the reality?

Why are we doing this to our students?

WWWWHHHYYYYYY???? POR QUEE?????

the closure.

There’s 5 more days to the 2012 academic calendar. After that, students will be on holidays, teachers will be cramming up the holidays doing all sorts of strategic plans for the next academic year, but with no students to attend to. I can’t wait for the holidays to come. Nevertheless, 2012 treated me well.

I love my classes this year. Not that I don’t love the classes from the previous years, in fact, my class this year is the same as last year. But, this year, the seeds that I planted last year has grown to be beautiful trees.

My special class this year would be my 3 Elit. I’m their class teacher. I’ve been teaching them since they were in Form 1. Three years passed in a blink of an eye.  I was with them when they were still new in the secondary school surrounding, all timid and scared.  But each one of them blossomed throughout the years and I am ultimately proud of them.  It’s such a joy to teach them. They were responsive and chatty, sometimes much to my dismay.  Never not done with the homework and their parents are always cooperative.  They’re  bunch of bright kids with a pleasant attitude.  I hope I’ll be teaching you guys again next year!

and oh my form 5 students! i’ll have to put up a special entry for them. Just wait.

Though I find it hard to juggle between 3 SPM classes and PMR classes, it is such an eye-opening experience. I might be too much under pressure this year in keeping up with the targets, headcounts and whatnots, the students are the most understanding bunch of people. I truly am thankful for them as if not for their jokes and antiques, I would turn out mad.

And oh lets not forget, I am proud of my school handball teams, both boys and girls! Their fighting spirit is to be applauded. Though we did not make it to the finals, we still had fun on the field.

This is my fourth year of teaching. It’s been that long yet there are still so many things to learn. I did have the feeling of quitting the job but to see the other senior teachers who has been in the service for more than 30 years, still have the same fiery burning passion for teaching, I am inspired!

I can’t wait for 2013! but I just want to enjoy my holidays first!

Nisa xoxo