Thank you.

3 days ago.

I woke up earlier than usual though I was still sleepy due to the tossing and turning on the bed all night. I woke up with sweaty palms, a dry throat and a mixture of feelings. I wish I could go back to sleep, dwell with my dreams under the warm duvet in the dark room, but it is my responsibility, my amanahs, wouldn’t I want to see the fruits of my labour?

I made my usual cup of coffee but it was left untouched. I glanced at the round clock on the wall. it’s only 9 o’clock. 2 more hours to go. I was fidgety. I did things that I don’t usually do. I watered the plants. I think my mum’s bougainvellas were shocked to be showered early in the morning.

I can’t take it anymore. I put on my favourite skirt and cardigan, put on my crumpled shawl hurriedly and reached for my car keys. The 45 minutes journey to school was daunting. I flipped through channels on the radio then finally decided on Ustaz Azhar Idrus’ CD. I wasn’t even listening. But I need sound to fill the silence of the car. I kept accelerating, overtaking cars which I could then when I realized what I was doing I drove slower, passing each scenery that I have left for over a month.

When the PMR results were in, everyone was happy. 7 students scored straight A’s. The principal was smiling from ear to ear. The best PMR results that our school had achieved since 2004. Teachers hugged each other congratulating fellow colleagues on the hard work that paid off. Still, my heart does not feel right.

The students were called in to take their result. Those who received straight A’s screamed with joy. I congratulated them but my voice was drowned by the noises around us. They laughed! They smiled! They took their slips and quickly went out of the room.

One of the students whom the school targeted 8A’s sobbed. She only managed to get 7A’s. She took the slip, read through and went to the corner and cried.

Then came a student, she took her slip from me and smiled. Hugged me and kissed me on my cheek, reaching for my hands and kissed them many times.

“Alhamdulillah. Thank you teacher, I got 2A’s. Thank you for everything teacher.”

and then my heart cried.

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