*warning. this is a mushy entry*
I thought you were the one. From the moment I saw you a few years ago. You have an air of mystery that surrounds you.Your every words are like arrows, straight to the red dot but seldom spoken. You are different from all men I’ve befriended. You caught my eyes, not through your looks but through your attitude. You caught my heart too.
We then became friends. The bestest of them. But nobody knows really. Its like having a secret. A sweet secret. Nobody really associates me with you and likewise. and I like it like that. You knew me too well. and you, as I expected is a mystery wrapped in enigma. You always kept me guessing. I found solace in talking to you. Then, you surprised me by telling me bits your short-term future plans, and I was surprised that you included me .. or the fact that you want to be in the same place as me. But you already have a girlfriend, which shattered my heart to million pieces when I saw the two of you stealing glances at each other. I was confused. of you. of your feelings. of my feelings. and of my feelings towards you. And I kept this all to myself. No one ever knows how I felt towards you.
Then, I had it sorted out. I love you. like a best friend, like a brother. Our bond is way past the friendship but we took a different turn. I couldn’t see you as a potential husband. Not you. I know you inside out. My love towards you had outgrown itself. It’s not that love. I felt relieved. We are still the best of friends, and I saw you differently, like a brother.
Then, I heard you’re getting married. When you described your future wife to me, I was speechless.Wow. I’ve never ever felt like this before. It is worst than getting your heart broken. It’s hard to describe, like my heart stopped for a few seconds, then gasping for air, but I’m in a tank full of water desperate for a breath. It’s all coming back to me now, and I’m back on the confuse trip again. oh I hate this. I keep wondering what if …
Oh God. I know you’re not my destiny, and I feel guilty of feeling this way, like I’m against God’s plan. But I need time, to get this head straight, and I need to get away. Get away from all these nonsense feelings. God has better plans, and He has chosen someone else for you. Not me. I know God is teaching me something. I’m strengthening myself for the future. It should be made of wonderful things.
Good luck on your wedding ceremonies and your marriage. May it be filled with Barakah and love.